What is: Masking?
Understanding the Cost of Hiding your Neurodivergent Self.
In a world that often values conformity, many neurodivergent individuals learn to mask, to hide or suppress their natural traits to appear more "socially acceptable." While masking can be a helpful tool in certain situations, chronic masking can take a significant toll on mental health and well-being.
In this article, we’ll explore:
✅ What masking is and why neurodivergent individuals engage in it.
✅ The emotional and psychological toll of chronic masking.
✅ How masking differs from healthy social adaptation.
✅ Strategies for unmasking and embracing self-acceptance.
Decoding the Mask: What is Masking?
Imagine you're at a party, surrounded by people. Everyone seems to be effortlessly chatting and laughing, but you feel like an outsider. Your mind races, you struggle to follow the conversations, and you feel a growing sense of panic. So, you put on a mask. You force a smile, nod along, and try to mimic the behavior of those around you, hoping no one will notice that you feel completely out of place.
This is masking,the act of consciously or unconsciously hiding or changing your natural behaviors, communication style, and even your personality to fit in with social expectations. It's like wearing a costume that covers up your true self.
Why Do People Mask?
People mask for various reasons, but it's particularly common among neurodivergent individuals, those whose brains work differently. This includes people with:
ADHD: They may mask by trying to appear more focused, organized, or "on top of things" than they actually feel.
Autism Spectrum Disorder: They may mask by suppressing stimming behaviors (like rocking or hand-flapping), forcing eye contact, or scripting conversations to avoid social missteps.
Sensory Processing Differences: They may mask by pretending that loud noises, bright lights, or certain textures don't bother them.
Trauma or PTSD: People with complex trauma often mask as a defense mechanism, trying to avoid conflict or abandonment.
Essentially, masking is a way to try to blend in and avoid drawing attention to differences that might be perceived as "weird" or "unacceptable."
The Pressure to Conform
Imagine constantly feeling like you have to be someone you're not. That's the reality for many neurodivergent individuals who learn to mask from a young age. Whether it's suppressing stimming behaviors, forcing eye contact, or mirroring social cues, masking can be a way to navigate a world that doesn't always understand or accept differences.
From my personal experience, masking is exhausting. I hate masking. But I feel like at work and in society, there are expectations that I must live up to, especially in workplaces where diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) are under attack. It's a constant tightrope walk, trying to fit in while feeling like you're always one wrong step away from being exposed as "different."
The Hidden Costs of Masking
While masking can be helpful in certain situations, chronic masking can have significant consequences:
Exhaustion and burnout: Constantly monitoring and adjusting one's behavior requires immense mental effort, leading to exhaustion and burnout. A 2021 study in the journal Autism in Adulthood found that autistic adults who frequently masked reported higher levels of fatigue, stress, and anxiety (1).
Identity confusion: Masking can create a disconnect between one's true self and the persona they present to the world, leading to confusion about identity and self-worth. This can be particularly challenging for those who are diagnosed with ADHD or autism later in life, as they may have spent years internalizing negative beliefs about their neurodivergent traits (2).
Increased anxiety and depression: The pressure to conform and the fear of being "found out" can contribute to anxiety and depression. A study in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders found that masking was associated with increased social anxiety and depression in autistic adults (3).
Difficulty forming genuine connections: Masking can make it challenging to form authentic relationships, as individuals may feel unable to truly be themselves. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Unmasking and Self-Acceptance
Recognizing and addressing masking is essential for well-being. Here are some steps towards unmasking and self-acceptance:
Increase awareness: Pay attention to when and why you mask. What situations or people trigger it? What are you hoping to achieve by masking?
Challenge internalized beliefs: Explore the negative beliefs you may have about your neurodivergent traits. Where did these beliefs come from? Are they truly accurate?
Find safe spaces: Seek out communities and support groups where you can be yourself without fear of judgment. Online forums, support groups, and even therapy can provide safe spaces to explore your identity and connect with others who understand.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate the process of unmasking. It's okay to take things at your own pace. Unmasking is a journey, not a destination.
Set boundaries: Learn to say no to situations or people that require excessive masking. It's okay to prioritize your well-being and choose environments where you can be authentic.
Embrace your authentic self: Celebrate your unique strengths and quirks. Remember that your neurodivergence is a part of you, not something to be ashamed of.
The Delicate Balance: Adaptation vs. Masking
It's important to distinguish between healthy social adaptation and harmful masking.
Adaptation: Learning to navigate social situations and communicate effectively is a valuable skill for everyone, neurodivergent or not.
Masking: Suppressing core aspects of your identity to avoid judgment or rejection can be detrimental to your well-being.
Finding the balance between adapting to social expectations and honoring your authentic self is key.
The Impact of Late Diagnosis
Research suggests that individuals who are diagnosed with ADHD or autism later in life often experience a greater sense of loss and grief due to years of masking and feeling misunderstood (4). They may also have difficulty unmasking, as they've spent years internalizing negative beliefs about their neurodivergent traits.
Gender and Cultural Influences
Studies have shown that women and AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals often mask more than men, due to societal expectations and gender roles (5). Cultural norms also play a significant role in how masking is perceived and experienced.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Your True Self
Masking can be a necessary tool for navigating a world that doesn't always understand or accept neurodiversity. However, chronic masking can have a profound impact on mental health and well-being. By increasing awareness, challenging internalized beliefs, and finding safe spaces to be ourselves, we can begin to unmask and embrace our authentic selves.
Remember, your neurodivergence is not a flaw to be hidden, it's a unique part of who you are. Embrace your strengths, celebrate your differences, and shine your brightest light.
If you're struggling with the effects of masking or want support in navigating your neurodivergent journey, schedule a free consultation today.
Sources:
Cage, E., & Troxell-Whitman, Z. (2021). Experiences of Autistic Adults Masking at Work: A Qualitative Study. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4), 328-337.
Bargiela, S., Steward, R., & Mandy, W. (2016). The experiences of late-diagnosed women with autism spectrum conditions: An investigation of the female autism phenotype. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 46(10), 3281-3294.
Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., & Lai, M. C. (2017). “Putting on My Best Normal”: Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autism Spectrum Conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519-2534.
Lai, M. C., Lombardo, M. V., Baron-Cohen, S., & Auyeung, B. (2017). Sex/gender differences and autism: setting the scene for future research. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 56(6), 463-472.
Ratto, A. B., Kenworthy, L., Yerys, B. E., Bascom, J., & White, S. W. (2018). What about the girls? Sex-based differences in autistic traits and adaptive skills. Autism Research, 11(3), 473-483.
